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Green Soup For Mobsters’ Inc

September 25, 2008

Author:The Illuminator

I thought of calling it chicken soup but then I didn’t want to offend the vegetarians in any group. I didn’t even use a name of a Chinese variant of the soup because there might be members from the Jain community whose sentiments I might hurt unintentionally. So here I am labeling my next post “Green Soup for Mobsters’ Inc” Do I need to tell you why? I do not want to be the next person beaten to death with iron rods by a mob of 60 men in broad day light in a buzzing corporate complex for doing what is required of my job. A request to Mr. Raj Thackery, I am in the process of writing the title of this post in Devnagri script. So please ask the MNS hackers to desist from tearing our blog down.  Since all measures are in place, I guess I can start with the recipe now.

 

Ingredients:

Angry Men – 10-12

Leader – 1 to 2

Victim(s) – Depends on how memorably bloody you want the recipe to be.

Sensationalist News Channels – Even one is enough.

 

Steps:

  1. Place the leader in a spot that threatens his hold over his domain of work or area of influence.
  2. Light the flame. Give the otherwise idle leader inspiration. The inspiration can be made leader-specific. Here are a few proven methods to inspire:
    1. Show him clippings of a UP-born actor’s wife talking in Hindi in a public rally and saying that it is always going to be that way.
    2. Give him records of poor out-castes converting to another faith for a better life.
    3. A few men who are retrenched from their jobs because the company is downsizing.
  3. The leader’s selfish and sinister mind will automatically come up with a plan to spice up the recipe. This should ideally talk 3-7 days at the most. Add the selected spices to a frying pan.
  4. Once step 3 is over, add an audience the leader likes to the pan in which the spices were put and leave them to his speeches for a few hours. This will spread the bitterness through the dish.
  5. Add the 12 angry men in the pan.
  6. Provide the men with accessories. It can be knives, sickles, sticks, iron rods, cricket bats, hockey sticks, or fire, absolutely anything that can cause pain to others when used with that intention. Retail therapy makes anyone happy.
  7. Give the angry men a target. It can be a person or a group of people or a thing (read a CEO, missionaries, a taxi a cinema).
  8. Leave the angry men on their targets like hyenas chasing pray. Allow them to kill once in a while.
  9. For garnishing add the news channels. Inform a sensationalist news channel well in advance of the action taking place. They will serve it to the masses just as leader has expected.
  10. Garnish with a few statements on national television and print media.

 

The recipe serves two- the leader and his interests.

 

Closing Note:

Why discuss when you want to create a big fuss? What is life in front of political turmoil and strife? Why talk when you can kill?  The recipe is the easiest way to prove a point in the country today, as popular as two-minute noodles. Try it today!!

 

Disclaimer:

The recipe is meant to be taken with a pinch of salt. 😉

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. September 26, 2008 4:26 pm

    superb post! loved it…on a serious note we need to get rid of those politicians…

  2. September 26, 2008 7:40 pm

    Interesting post…very creative !!

    //A request to Mr. Raj Thackery, I am in the process of writing the title of this post in Devnagri script. So please ask the MNS hackers to desist from tearing our blog down.//
    ROFL !!

  3. September 26, 2008 10:37 pm

    wonderful and tongue in cheek post!!

  4. September 27, 2008 12:39 am

    @ Vishesh..It’s more than the politicians. It’s the mindset we need to get rid off.

    @Priya
    I had actually written the title in Marathi on my Blogger blog, but I didn’t quite know how to use the other scripts in WordPress. Looks even better there 😉

    @Reema
    I am glad you liked it.

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